Review: Ari Olafsson - Our Choice - Iceland
7 Day YouTube Views: 70,982
7 Day YouTube Likes: 1,042
Occasionally a song comes along that's so horrifically bad that it's just fantastic. Iceland have achieved and surpassed this measure with Our Choice, a song so terrible it almost feels like a parody designed to mock Eurovision.
Iceland have come along and released their own version of "Love Love Peace Peace" except somehow more generic. The quality of young Ari Olafsson's voice is actually quite good - but that's where the positives end. Ignoring the music for a start, Ari maintains a big grin throughout the song, despite the subject of Our Choice being about death and suffering - I know it's meant to be an encouraging, hopeful smile for the potential goodness in the hearts of humanity, but really it just comes across as weird. Smiling while singing the words "It might as well be you who's suffering tonight" is just a really weird mix - Ari, we are suffering, pal. Further being lectured about world peace by someone who looks about 14 years old also feels a little contrived.
The song itself sounds like really bad christian pop - but even Cliff Richard would tell this kid to tone down the sanctimony and 'Songs of Praise' would ask him to sex it up a bit. The religious sound, the clean-cut look, the big grin looking directly into the camera - that look is familiar to anyone who's taken a stroll down Hollywood Boulevard, the crazed eyes/big smile look is also the default facial expression of the creepy Scientologists who try to lure you into their lair - at least, that's what it reminded me of.
Lyrically the song's an embarrassment, it could easily have been written by a child for their "Write a poem about peace" homework. "Why can't we treat each other well", "Inside we're all the same", "Too many are dying in vain", the lines are so stock that as mentioned above, it really does feel like parody. If he'd added a lyric about "systems that keep us apart" he'd have probably completed the set of things people say when they're coming down from a magic mushroom trip.
In case the song wasn't bad enough not to progress past the semi-final, it's assigned running order (2nd in the ultra-competitive first semi-final) means that Ari might as well just not bother turning up. The song's YouTube Likes are the lowest of all competing countries, incredibly though he does actually beat out one country on Views. Ari is currently 37th out of 43 in the betting markets and it is considered by the markets the country least likely to qualify from it's semi by a signficant margin. I feel for Ari a little, he is a good singer but the song is so toxically bad that it has to receive the lowest possible rating.
Review: Eye Cue - Lost And Found - F.Y.R. Macedonia
7 Day YouTube Views: 760,546
7 Day YouTube Likes: 11,566
The FYR of Macedonia join this year's line up with a slow/fast pop/reggae track entitled Lost and Found. It's unique mix for sure, but does it work?
The song is divided into various sections, almost like mini-songs in their own right, these sections are scattered seemingly at random, throughout the song. We start with a slow bit ("Come and take me...") before moving into a reggae-style verse, back to slow and then building into a fast pop section ("Have you ever thought about it?"). It then goes back to reggae, moving into the slow section before finishing back on the pop section. It certainly makes for an unusual listening experience. My feeling on the first listen is that the song meandered too much and it's difficult to latch onto a song that doesn't have at least some predictability in the structure. However the individual sections are pleasant to listen to on their own merit but sometimes the transitions can feel jarring.
An extra half-star for trying something a little different which is always appreciated, however the song feels like it's gone too far and is attempting to be too many things at once, the Eurovision audience will likely end up feeling a little confused about what kind of song they were listening to. It's position halfway through the first semi-final won't do it any favours either.
FYR of Macedonia currently stand in 30th place in the betting markets, probably about right given their chances. The YouTube stats tell a completely different story though 760,000 Views in 7 days is quite amazing for this track placing them up in the figures enjoyed by the tracks at the very top of the market, higher than Belgium and even the Czech Republic. The song's YouTube Likes are in line with the view count and again are surprisingly high. We can't really think of a reason why the stats are so high, the song doesn't seem to have a particularly significant fanbase - or at least no more than any other country. Despite this though, we're calling FYR of Macedonia a no-qualifier this year.
Review: Eleni Foureira - Fuego - Cyprus
7 Day YouTube Views: 213,065
7 Day YouTube Likes: 6,930
Returning to the competition, Cyprus deliver Fuego, another upbeat dance track to compete with the likes of Finland and Australia.
A Cypriot approximation of Shakira/Beyonce, Eleni swaggers, pouts and shakes her hips through a decidedly low quality dance track, Cyprus seem to be one of the 'fandom picks' this year and in my opinion the fandom have made a poor choice - I wonder what they feel the USP is here. It's difficult to judge the quality of Eleni's voice because the official video has auto-tune cranked to the max (and then some). However I found that the song quickly grated on me, particularly the "A-yeah-yeah yeah-yeah" hook, not only because it isn't a pleasant noise but also because it displays a real lack of imagination on the part of the songwriters, couple this with the auto-tune and you have a recipe for a cruddy song.
Unusually, the chorus has very little singing (except the odd "Fuegooo"), these music breaks will presumably be used for dancing when this track is performed live. If the scantily clad Eleni of the video is anything to go by, the type of dancing we're likely to see will lean towards the "something for the dads" demographic. There aren't many overtly sexual acts this year so Cyprus will at least be remembered over the course of the evening - I felt it further cheapened an already pretty cheap song. The re-listenability of the song is very low for me. Cyprus has a decent diaspora working it's favour but out of Cyprus, Finland and Australia, this is definitely the worst of the three.
Cyprus received about 80% more YouTube Views than Finland in it's first-week of video upload, Likes were also higher by about the same amount. Cyprus are 17th in the betting markets and they'll be closing the show at the first semi-final. It's hard to oppose the idea that they'll progress on the basis that they landed that final slot in the running order - an early slot would have surely sunk them. Critically, Finland perform their song not long before Cyprus, it'll be interesting to see how each country's voting performance is affected by the other. Beyond that, this song has poor jury-appeal, I question it's televoteability and I don't see Cyprus making any kind of mark in the final should they get that far.
Review: Saara Aalto - Monsters - Finland
7 Day YouTube Views: 134,289
7 Day YouTube Likes: 4,208
We'll admit to having a soft-spot for Saara Aalto, openly ambitious and treated shamefully by the X Factor UK ("Zara from Denmark"), she's gone on to bigger and better things, currently a judge on Finland's version of the X Factor and now performing at Eurovision. Fair play to you, Zara from Denmark.
Gay herself, Saara has attempted to fashion herself as a gay icon, the sound and look for Monsters plays heavily to that audience, the hand of Brian Friedman is clearly visible in the production. Listening to the song, I mentally compared it to Cascada, or a similar cheesy kind of dance track you might find in an Ibiza nightclub or a Soho gay bar (not that we've been to either, honest). Based on her X Factor performances, Saara isn't scared to put on a show and it's likely that a decent portion of the votes this track gets in Eurovision will come from the performer selling the track, rather than the track itself.
Musically, it's as cheap as dance tracks come, plastic to the core. The way the progression of the music ramps up does work, but don't you feel like you've heard this song 100 times before? This is old-school Europop, my personal feeling is that the Eurovision audience is tiring of these sorts of tracks. Saara is capable of singing songs with a little more substance but her live performances of Monsters (and the other 2 proposed tracks) also received a poor reception, hopefully she fixes her pitching problems come the semis. Speaking of the semis, Finland does have a favourable position in the second-half of the ultra-competitive first semi but we're debating whether she'll even qualify, might be a shock result in 11th place, the YouTube stats also suggest this may be a possibility.
Considering the intense build-up for the release of this song, Finland's YouTube stats are remarkably low. Just 134,000 Views in the first 7 days of release and 4,200 Likes, those numbers are lower than Portugal, the United Kingdom, Belarus and others. If you're placing a bet, laying Finland to qualify from their semi may be one to examine. Saara currently sits at 16th favourite in the betting market, we can only assume this position is bourne of hype because the track doesn't merit such a high position. In conclusion, don't be surprised to see Finland absent from the Eurovision grand final, if they do make it through, a poor result surely awaits..
Review: Ethno-Jazz Band Iriao - For You - Georgia
7 Day YouTube Views: 214,407
7 Day YouTube Likes: 3,196
Another of the native-language entries, Georgia bring For You to the Eurovision 2018 stage. A peaceful song with real merit that, let's face it - everyone knows won't qualify from it's semi.
It seems harsh to say, because the majority of the feedback online for this song is positive and the song is indeed very pleasant to listen to. But it plays more like something from a G4 concert, a hymn or perhaps the closing song of tragically-ending musical. It doesn't build in any way at all. When you're up against upbeat songs, flashy staging and more, a song with this level of simple authenticity just won't have the oomph to stand out. This song can be classed along the other 'upmarket' entries this year such as from Estonia and Portugal that favour quality over plastic pop.
Of the 43 entries this year, Georgia are currently 38th favourite to win the contest. Their YouTube stats tell the exact same story, low on all counts. Semi-final 2 has an unusual mix of tracks and the results on the night should be interesting, Georgia are planted mid-running order that semi, sadly even then it's a fairly easy no-qualifier. Nice song but really doesn't bring much more than that to the table, maybe next year, Georgia.