Review: The Humans - Goodbye - Romania
7 Day YouTube Views: 82,397
7 Day YouTube Likes: 2,854
Following last year's excellent showing with 'Yodel It!', Romania return in 2018 with Goodbye, prophetic perhaps, as it's certain they'll be saying "goodbye" in the semi-finals.
The song is reminiscent of 80's classics, the vocal stylings reminded me of acts like Heart and Celine Dion. Nothing wrong with either of those performers except one thing - they're dated. This song feels like the worst of the wailing overly-emoted songs on that era. The lyrics do nothing to assist the situation, bland as could be. I've listened to this song multiple times and still couldn't tell you any of the lyrics. The vocals, particularly the chorus do seem to be sung on a single plane, if you're not paying attention it just sounds like you're being told off by an irate girlfriend.
With regards to the song structure, the song doesn't really get into it's stride until 1m 30s in - which is a lot for a 3 minute song. The chorus then brings in the rock guitar, which does at least improve the sound of the song, but this is counteracted by the quality of the vocals, much of it is the nagging sound mentioned above, the rest is long drawn out wailing into the mic (with pained expression). In summary, this song is featureless, dated and just generally, pretty poor.
Of the 43 competing acts, Romania are currently considered 40th most likely to win, fair enough. Their implied odds of progressing past their semi are low too, their YouTube stats are also among the lowest of all entrants. The bad news for Romania doesn't end there though, they sing second in the second semi-final, directly after what is likely to be a strong opener by Norway. This song will be forgotten by the audience halfway through the following track by Albania. An easy no-qualifier for Romania.
Review: Lea Sirk - Hvala, ne - Slovenia
7 Day YouTube Views: 27,957
7 Day YouTube Likes: 1,067
Slovenia join this year's Eurovision with Hvala Ne, a bold choice - the first Eurovision track to consist of just one note throughout the song.
Ok we're being a little harsh. Slovenia have obviously tried to experiment with something a little different here, but the result is a fairly sterile song, as ever, the meaning behind the song is also lost to those who don't speak Slovenian. Lea's styling and staging is modern but perhaps a little aggressive.
Lea sings well live but the song itself is a let-down, it feels half-finished, did they blow their budget composing the verses? Each verse builds and builds dubstep-style, promising a meaty climax...only to completely fall short in the chorus that doesn't offer the listener any satisfaction, a real missed opportunity.
Slovenia sing second-to-last in the second semi-final but I suspect it still won't do their qualification chances much good, particularly as they're singing just before likely-qualifier Ukraine who will almost certainly be putting on a show. Slovenia is considered one of the least likely acts to win the show by the betting markets and her implied chances of qualification from the semi are considered similarly slim. Lea's YouTube stats are also some of the lowest of the entire competition. Besides this, the song is rather featureless and for us it's a clear no-qualifier.
Review: Julia Samoylova - I Won't Break - Russia
7 Day YouTube Views: 1,139,191
7 Day YouTube Likes: 11,709
After last year's furore, Julia Samoylova has been wheeled out again with I Won't Break, a song so hopelessly generic and meaningless I actually feel a little sorry for her that she has to devote months of her time to performing it.
Russia have historically cranked the propaganda-o-meter to 11 for Eurovision but listening to I Won't Break, you'd be forgiven for thinking that the chief propagandologist in Russia had taken an extended holiday, very little effort has been put into this song at all, it's believed that Julia was also asked to do Eurovision at the last minute, which suggests they really haven't invested much into Eurovision this year.
Although it won't affect the semi-final/grand final performances, I do want to mention the music video as evidence of Russia's lack of interest in this year's Eurovision. Firstly compare this song to 2016 Sergey's entry, a great (if lyrically cheesy) song and decent chunk of money thrown at the production in the video, this music video has not had the same treatment. It mostly consists of extended shots of Julia's face, with occasional overlays of stock nature footage such as waves, mountains and volcanoes. There are also many close-ups of Julia's mouth including her chipped front teeth as she mouths the lyrics completely out-of-time with the music playing. The final shot is what truly makes me think that Russia handed this project over to an amateur though, the merging of the top-half of Julia's body onto a mountain with a big moon in the background - it looks laughably bad, not to mention really has no relation to the song either.
As for the song itself, calling it 'generic' is a compliment, it really is a rather featureless song. Julia's English is unfortunately not great either and many of the lines of the song are incomprehensable as a result. Not that her lack of English diction is a big loss, the words that are intelligable are as 'stock' and without depth as it gets anyway. The 'I won't break' chorus section is shouty and an infamous video of Julia singing this song live suggests she can't manage it, the soundtrack is very auto-tuned and she'll have to come exposed when the time comes to sing live.
In terms of stats, I Won't Break has a surprisingly high number of YouTube hits but apparently only 1% of those people bothered to hit the 'Like' button, this is often one of a few indicators that the YouTube stats may not be completely genuine, their stats from the first hours after the song uploaded are quite ridiculous too. We at TellyStats got in a bit of bother with Bulgaria for suggesting that they might have manipulated their YouTube stats - so we're not doing that here...but those stats are weird. In terms of the betting markets, they have Julia at 25th most likely to win the show, however people do seem to have faith that she'll progress past her semi, the markets give her a 64% chance of progressing to the live final.
The question then is - Will this pile of crap progress actually past it's semi? Julia sings in the first half of the second semi final. It's a poor semi but there are still at least 5 or 6 definite qualifiers which leaves little wriggle room for the rest to qualify. If done on merit, Russia wouldn't be near qualification, however it being Russia, nothing can be ruled out. Russia has a large diaspora over the ex-Soviet countries which could tip it over the edge into qualification, or it could just take the tried-and-tested route of handing brown envelopes filled with cash to a few juries. As mentioned, Russia don't seem to have invested much into this song, but would they be able to stomach the ignominy of not qualifying past their semi? I won't be betting on Russia either way.
Review: SuRie - Storm - United Kingdom
7 Day YouTube Views: 170,091
7 Day YouTube Likes: 4,574
With a look and sound that many have compared to Annie Lennox, SuRie brings us Storm. A surprise winner (even to her) of the Eurovision: You Decide event. SuRie is a relative Eurovision veteran having assisted in Belgium's performances in recent years.
Storm as a song itself I actually feel is a little underrated, the "Hey Brother..." moments are pleasant and create a connection for the listener, the chorus is also memorable and accessible. A big issue with many Eurovision tracks is that it's possible to listen to them and then immediately forget the tune the moment it finishes, Storm doesn't suffer that issue.
The main problem with the track is that while it is very listenable, it doesn't have that spark that'll make it stand out at Eurovision. Israel - like it or hate it - is bringing a song that you cannot help but pay attention to, Storm by comparison, is pleasant but lacks the same sort of killer instinct. This isn't the fault of the singer but of the BBC only presenting songs in the 'You Decide' shows from a very narrow genre of music, none of which would ever be successful at Eurovision. For the country that provided so much iconic music, we lack that innovation for Eurovision.
The betting markets consider SuRie 26th favourite to win Eurovision, sadly though she's almost a certainty for the 17th - 20th place region, which is a shame because in terms of depth, I'd argue that Storm is a better song that Australia's 'We Got Love', which is currently 4th favourite to win the show.
SuRie is active on Twitter and her tweets suggest she's a funny and humble person, while we wish her well with her career, she should use Eurovision as a positive experience and is hopefully not holding out too much hope for the win.
Review: Waylon - Outlaw In 'Em - The Netherlands
7 Day YouTube Views: 175,439
7 Day YouTube Likes: 6,833
In your face with a Nashville country-rock sound come The Netherlands with Outlaw In 'Em, competing with Hungrary in the rock n' roll class, this is likely to be the far more accessible of the two.
With a distinct southern drawl, Waylon and his band perform Outlaw In 'Em like the rock classics of old, the chorus especially reminds anyone listening of Guns N' Roses "Paradise City". As far as the song goes, it's a very middle-of-the-road rock track but it's that this song is being presented to a Eurovision filled with soulless ballads and Europop that makes it special - a USP is almost always a good thing and this song surely hits a nostalgia spot for many listeners. Waylon himself is an excellent performer and the guitar wailing in the second third of this track are just great. It hits the same mass-popularity spot as Bon Jovi and Guns N' Roses.
As for negatives, rock music isn't as popular in the world as people may think. Rock n' Roll hardly touched Asia for example. Similarly, Eastern Europe also has less of a market for this type of music than it does in the West and it's important not to get carried away in our Western bubble. This song is also most likely to be popular with men aged 25 - 40, which is the bracket most Eurovision commentators fall into.
The Netherlands perform in the first half of the second semi-final behind big-hitter Australia who perform directly after. I personally feel this won't hurt The Netherlands chances in any significant way. The second semi is full of no-hopers that it's almost hard to pick 10 songs worth qualifying. However this certainly is one of them and while I doubt it can win, I certainly hope they can hit inside the Top 10 on the night of the final.